Awake Or Asleep

I woke up this morning tired, i went to bed last night wide awake. 

dreamt all day and thought all night, but what sense does this make, 

i breathlessly rest , i peacefully run, 

its second nature to me now its all i have ever done, 

my mind is racing but my feet stand still

i live for myself, but  for you i would kill, 

my heart feels shattered but a reason is no where in sight 

my fist is blood soaked with no sign of a fight, 

confusion is my best friend and delusion stands to my right, 

to my left is nothing so join me if you would like, 

i am at home with loneliness and a guest in a crowd

my music is so quiet only because the silence is so loud

my lungs are tight and a breath i cant manage

i search for an answer, but what is my damage? 

i gasp and i gasp as my thoughts begin to blur 

i know the end is near, about this i am so sure

all at once life rewinds as if all of this was fake

my eyes now full of tears slam open, and a breath i do take.

sitting up in my bed trembling hoping its over, hoping for no more. 

now the sun has risen and it has set like just like the nights before

i walk to the wall shut off the light and close the door

my eyes wont close i lay restless in my bed

but as i lose consciousness i hear these words in my head..

I woke up this morning tired, i went to bed last night wide awake

cant help the feeling that i have been here before, this has to be a mistake…

                              "AK"